i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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