everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
