We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
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