i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You are a booty call, not a friend.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
