it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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