Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize