She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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