we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
