I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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