Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize