Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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