'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
