u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
