god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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