Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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