Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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