Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
