we made out on top of his cat.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize