We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
