kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
