you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
