Pappa wants mamma naked
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No subtext here. People are naked.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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