Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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