I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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