the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
