i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
