Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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