ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
