if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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