How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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