Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
