I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
