I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize