That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize