Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
