Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Randomize
