I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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