So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I checked into jail on foursquare
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
