i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I will die if light touches me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
