i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I think my nap took me to another dimension
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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