I'm gonna have a badass scar
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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