you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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