so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
