sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize