why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
