There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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