He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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