So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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