the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
