dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
