respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I could make wine with my vomit
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
