It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
