I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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