Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I supernannyed him into submission
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
