Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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