I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
