I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
