There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
