if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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