girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Less talking, more tequila
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
