New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
