I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
