I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
