how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Never underestimate the power of titties
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