when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize