Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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