rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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