i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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