So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
