Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
