i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
