I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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